Paralysed by the utter, crushing pointlessness of myself. It's almost a physical sensation of weight.
It occurred to me on the train home last night that it mattered not one whit how I feel about K. It doesn't matter to him, and the only other person in that equation is me.
All kinds of things have been going through my mind. I should leave town, move to another city. I should forget about K. I should hunker down and sever my ties with people. I should climb into my cave and wall up the doorway. I'm panicking, and the flight half of that old instinct is humming right along.
I should get a brain transplant.
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