Was in the office, hiding, until the ten o'clock train home. Not accomplishing much, but at least quiet for several hours. After initial feeling of OKness through most of the daylight hours, physical anxiety flared up at dusk with shakes and The Sob simmering down just under the surface followed, as usual, by The Litany. Hard time concentrating on work through all this mental noise. Managed to produce two of three daily deadlines, one of which was a feature, so that's holding up at least.
Took a big chance and showed K this blog, and the post below. He said he has great faith in me and that writing it out is probably a good idea, esp. considering drug therapy is not an option.
Chatted on facebook with mutual friends in Denver about troubles with K. They say that K, though he is "one of the best men" they know, he can be difficult, sometimes even cold. They are praying for us. For me. It's good to know.
Ran into K on the train on the way home. (I mentioned we live in the same town). At first felt only surge of panic. Calmed down and had a pleasant ride home chatting about simple things: politics, religion...
Night waking continues. Three am to four, right on schedule. My troublesome molar has infected again and the anxiety was all about whether I was going to be able to get treatment for it in Foreignland. Laid awake worrying and squirming. Cat, v. annoyed, went and slept in the sitting room. Finally slept with head resting on hot water bottle.
Sun came out today. First sunnuy day in weeks of rain. Rode into the city with K, as we used to do every day. It was quiet. I watched the countryside, he read and worked. Parted with smiles. No pain.
Ran errands before going to the office. Starting to think about Washington next week. Turns out that in this country you can get anti-biotics easily over the counter. All anxiety for nowt.
Feeling almost lively. Probably the sun and cold. Winter should be cold and crisp, not this upsy-downsy humidity and freakish mid-January warm days. Must buy a pair of waterproof boots for Washington.
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